The
Reality-Based Rules of the Workplace: Know What Boosts Your Value, Kills Your
Chances, & Will Make You Happier
by Cy Wakeman
A
summary of the original text.
The Reality-Based Rules of the
Workplace, summarized
by arrangement with John Wiley & Sons, Inc. from The Reality-Based
Rules of the Workplace: Know What Boosts Your Value, Kills Your Chances, &
Will Make You Happier by Cy Wakeman. Copyright © 2013 by John Wiley
& Sons, Inc.
In this summary...
·
Become a more effective, more productive, and more
satisfied member of your organization by learning what it really takes to be
valued at the office.
·
Calculate your true worth by measuring your current
performance, your future potential, and your "emotional expense" to
the people around you.
·
Master the five rules that will allow you to join
the ranks of happy high-performers and turn the job you already have into the
job you want.
·
Take control of your future by boosting your value, owning
your career, and becoming the kind of employee no organization can afford to
lose.
·
Maximize your contribution by accepting
accountability, reducing drama, buying in, saying "Yes" to what’s
next, and succeeding despite obstacles.
The Reality-Based Rules of the
Workplace
Tough economic times have left
fewer people to do the same amount of work. Success seems like an impossible
dream as you strive to do more with less. So many people are confused, complaining,
blaming, angry, under-responsible for their own affairs and over-responsible
for what isn't within their sphere of influence.
You can turn your long list of
excuses into an even longer list of proud accomplishments and results. Not
because you will work harder, or will be in denial, but because you will change
your mind-set. You have more control than you think. That's the good news. The
bad news is that you, and you alone, are causing your own suffering. It isn't
your reality that is causing your pain and frustration. It's the worn-out
methods, techniques, and mind-sets with which you are approaching your reality.
You can get back on track so you can find bliss in your work again, while
becoming more valuable to your organization than ever before.
But first, you have to embrace
Reality and play by its rules.
Unfortunately, no one is born
accountable, self-reliant, self-mastered, and resilient, yet these are the
qualities that count, the ones that will fill you with confidence and afford
you the chance to choose your own destiny, no matter what your field of
endeavor. Fortunately, anyone can develop them. How?
By following the Reality-Based
Rules of the Workplace — the five rules that will allow you to join the ranks
of happy high-performers. Work can be joyful and fulfilling as well as
productive, and by using Reality-Based techniques to face your challenges, you
can turn the job you already have into the job you want.
The rules are based on a new
metric that will do more to help you measure and increase your value at work
than any performance review or evaluation: the Employee Value Equation.
The Employee Value Equation
will give you the ability to calculate your true worth, regardless of economic
fluctuations. You can choose to become one of the people that your boss and
your company want to invest in, listen to, and promote.
Your true value as an employee
is not dependent on larger economic conditions — good or bad. It is based on
the value that you bring to your organization, the market value of your work,
and the return on investment that you deliver, both economically and
emotionally, now and into the future. The fastest way to get valued is to add a
ton of value. You must get clear about the value you truly bring to your
organization, using the New Value Equation:
Your Value = Current Performance + Future
Potential – 3 × Emotional Expensiveness
The three factors that make up
your equation — Current Performance, Future Potential, and Emotional
Expensiveness — are the subjects of the next three sections of this summary.
Once you've finished those
sections, you will be able to calculate your Value Equation so that you can get
started. After you have calculated your value, you will learn how you can
maximize it, playing by the new rules. Then the five sections that follow will
explain each of the five Reality-Based Rules:
·
Rule
#1. Your level of accountability determines your level of happiness, so don't
hope to be lucky. Choose to be happy.
·
Rule
#2. Suffering is optional, so ditch the drama!
·
Rule
#3. Buy-in is not optional. Your action, not opinion, adds value.
·
Rule
#4. Say "Yes" to what's next. Change is opportunity.
·
Rule
#5. You will always have extenuating circumstances. Succeed anyway.
Your Current Performance
In many companies, individual
performance reviews have become totally disconnected from results. In fact, the
author gathered statistics from 37 companies over the course of five years,
involving more than 275,000 employees in total. She conducted an audit
comparing each company's yearly results with that year's overall performance
rating distribution. How were employees' results stacking up by comparison to
the company as a whole?
In companies where the average
employee is assessed as "exceeding expectations," one would expect to
see great results overall. In companies where most performance scores were
"average" or "below average," one would expect to see
results that conformed to a lower standard.
What she found was that, in
companies where the majority of employees had been rated as "above
average" for performance, actual results were 10 percent below industry
standards in a variety of categories. Meanwhile, successful companies were far
more likely to rate the employees responsible for their success as
"average," that is, delivering as expected, as promised, and as
needed to stay competitive.
That's why you can't trust a
top rating in your performance review. It tells you very little about where you
stand and how much you are contributing to the bottom line, and it doesn't say
anything about your Future Potential. One thing is for sure: Your performance
number is no longer a trustworthy measure of your value or a predictor of results
in your organization.
Instead, to evaluate your
current performance, you have to give yourself a true rating, based on rigorous
criteria.
Consider the following
questions honestly, and rate yourself from 1 (lowest, not true) to 5 (highest,
very true).
1.
I am
consistent in my attendance, my work, and my results.
2.
I
improve each year, as a matter of course, to keep up with changing expectations
— without expecting more in return.
3.
I am
moving forward with purpose and not still taking credit for the accomplishments
of years past.
4.
The
people I spend the most time with at work are top performers.
5.
I have
recently added to my job description on my own initiative.
6.
I set
goals for myself beyond the goals my supervisor sets.
7.
I
regularly ask for feedback on my performance from my boss and my peers.
8.
My
performance compares favorably with that of my peers, both in my company and in
my industry.
9.
I
collaborate well with others and have good professional relationships.
Now, take the number of total
points and divide by 10. That is your number for Current Performance.
Let's examine further your
Current Performance number as it pertains to the Value Equation. Based on the
assessment you've just completed, you fall somewhere on a continuum from 1 to
5, where:
1 = Not meeting expectations
2 = Sometimes meeting
expectations
3 = Fully meeting expectations
4 = Exceeding expectations
5 = Far exceeding expectations
Now that you know your number,
if it is anything under a 3, focus immediately on making changes that will
improve your performance.
If you scored a 3, know that
you won't be able to ride on that score for long unless you are consistently
working to keep up, improving your skills and knowledge to be able to perform
far into the future.
Even if you feel your score is
high enough, there is always something you can be doing to shore up your
performance rating and ensure that it is sustainable, no matter what new
demands are put upon you from external forces in the marketplace.
Here are five questions to ask
to help get, and keep, high, truthful, and sustainable performance numbers:
1.
Who are the top performers to emulate? Find out who the top
performers are in your company — those seen by the organization as
curve-breakers. Don't resent them for breaking the curve and raising the bar.
Study them. Ask them to mentor you.
2.
What are your goals? Get clear on the expectations of your
position. Your job description represents the bare minimum expectations for
your position — not what you need to do to succeed, but what you need to do not
to fail. Elaborate on this foundation by writing an outline of the
total scope of deliverables, accountabilities, and behaviors expected of you in
your organization. If you're not sure about any of the tasks on your list, ask
for guidance, not just on what needs to be accomplished, but what it would take
to exceed expectations. What does "great" look like? Ask for specific
examples.
3.
Where do your goals fit into the big picture? Make sure you understand your
organization's goals, challenges, industry, environment, and how your goals fit
in. What is the SWOT analysis of the company — what are its Strengths,
Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats? How can you help strengthen the company
by addressing those weaknesses in your own role and within your team? Get a
very clear line of sight between what you do each day and how it fits in to the
big picture, and deliver accordingly.
4.
Why keep your eyes on the prize? Check in with yourself
regularly and ask, "Am I on track and completing the tasks I committed
to?" and the more important question, "Is my work creating the
outcome and impact desired?" If your work is not adding the value to the
organization that you mapped out in Steps 2 and 3, adjust! Check in with your
boss and recalibrate early and often to ensure that your effort is delivering
results — and the desired results.
5.
How will you reach your goals? Make a plan for how to
consistently exceed your daily accountabilities. Take each goal and map out
your path to success. What exactly has to happen by when, and to what standard?
Don't leave your success to a strategy of hope — track it. That which gets measured,
gets accomplished.
You've just taken the first
step toward increasing your value to your organization. Now, you can focus on
the rest of your equation and on moving from surviving to thriving; from
dreading work to enjoying work.
Your Future Potential
The first part of the Value
Equation answered the question, "How am I doing today?" This section
will help you answer the question, "Am I ready for what's next?"
Your Future Potential is
totally within your control. You will learn what Future Potential demands and
how to calculate your current value for this factor in the New Value Equation.
Then, you will learn five tactics that will help you maximize it.
Most people in organizations
resist change because it seems painful to leave their comfort zones. The people
winning today greet change with a simple "Good to know." They aren't
shocked. It's just information to them.
Instead of complaining about
your job getting bigger, there not being enough staff, and your company's
expectations changing, you need to get more efficient with your energy and step
up to development opportunities as a matter of course. The more you look at it
as a chance to grow, the better off you'll be.
Your success must not depend on
everything staying the same in your job or industry — that's a recipe for
disaster. Get zealous about development. Just going to company-delivered
training and keeping up with your field's continuing education requirements is
not enough. You need to do more to stay relevant and competent — and the place
to start is where it hurts the most.
What is it you dread more than
anything else? What wakes you up in the night with palpitations? Whatever it
is, get to work on that first. Your anxiety or stress is caused by your inability
to deliver given your current skills, abilities, methods, and capabilities, not
by outrageous expectations.
Get clear on the source of your
suffering. It's your lack of readiness, not the new requirements or
circumstances. One way out of pain is to evolve quicker than the needs of your
organization. Use the energy you might otherwise waste on resistance to fuel
your growth instead.
Now, let's evaluate your Future
Potential.
Consider the following
statements honestly, and rate yourself from 1 (lowest, not true) to 5 (highest,
very true).
1.
I make
an effort to learn as much as I can about changes that will affect me.
2.
If I
want something, I work hard to get it.
3.
When
something good happens to me, I feel it is because I've earned it.
4.
Failure
is a great teacher, and I work to extract its lessons.
5.
I am an
early adopter of new technology that can help me do my job better.
6.
A
person can change his personality and behavior patterns.
7.
I work
to change or improve regardless of whether my boss has identified a need for
development.
8.
For the
issues that have come up in the past three months, I can identify specific
things I could have done differently to change the outcome.
9.
I am
involved in mentoring others.
10.
I have
participated in a development experience that was not funded or arranged by my
organization in the past year.
Take the number of total points
and divide by 10. That is your current number for Future Potential. Based on
your assessment, you fall somewhere on a continuum from 1 to 5 where:
1 = Being quickly outdated
2 = Complacent, not trying hard
enough
3 = Keeping up with
expectations
4 = Exceeding expectations
5 = Leading the pack
If you are a 3 or lower, there
is a good chance that the only people worried about your development are in the
Human Resources Department. That is a high-risk strategy for your Future
Potential.
It's probable that your focus
on wishing for different circumstances is robbing you of your development in
the very areas that you need to improve to be happy and successful. It's time
to put real effort into your Future Potential by figuring out what you need to
work on to stay relevant in the future and succeed in spite of your
circumstances.
Following are five tactics for
improving your future potential. Find the one that causes you the most anxiety
or resistance — and start there. The antidote to worry is to take the first
step toward a goal. Then the second. In order to get to vision, you have to
move through pain, but the results will be worth it.
Tactic #1: Get Reflective. If you have scored a 3 or
lower for Future Potential, look back at what it would take to score a 5. Make
a list of where you're falling short. How do you compare to people applying for
similar jobs to your own right now? Would you be the top candidate if you were
interviewing for your job? What have you skimped on, what do you fear, where
have you fallen behind? You can't fix what you don't know — or won't admit — is
broken. Get a coach or find a mentor in your industry. Now is the time to
invest in yourself and your future.
Tactic #2: Get Beyond the
Baseline. Many
people are required to attain a minimum number of continuing education credits
per year in order to maintain their licenses or professional status. They
mostly do just that — the minimum. This only represents a baseline, the minimum
requirement to keep your head above water. That isn't enough.
If you don't distinguish
yourself from the average, you can't expect to get above-average results or
rewards. If you are not seeking out your own opportunities, you are not
maximizing your Future Potential. To truly get ahead of the curve — to become
and remain a curvebreaker who adds great value and avoids the pain of falling
behind — you must get zealous about learning and growth.
Zealous learners do more than
take classes. The majority of development comes from on-the-job experiences,
like joining project teams and accepting new assignments — in short, saying
"yes" to every opportunity that comes your way. The rest of your
development comes from others, through feedback, mentoring, and coaching. So
don't just wait for your employer to have a class and offer it up to you. Focus
on your Future Potential by taking on new challenges and getting beyond the
baseline.
Tactic #3: Get Challenged. Complacency is one of the
biggest risks to your Future Potential. Your Future Potential depends on your
learning agility and your passion for your own evolution. When was the last
time you learned a new skill? Subscribed to a journal that was not required
reading? Tried something new that you could fail at without fear?
Downtimes are perfect times to
upgrade your skill set, volunteer for cross-training, widen your experience by
accepting lateral moves within the company, and enhance your value by becoming
more flexible — a great utility player who knows the industry and the business
itself. Develop yourself with outside experiences such as volunteer work, board
involvement, and continuing education. Be willing to take on additional
responsibility, especially when it builds your capabilities and ultimately your
resume.
Tactic #4: Get Connected. Don't just learn your
company's new system — it's bound to change soon. Instead, learn how to learn
systems. Use a Mac and a PC. Use a variety of types of phones so you stay
flexible. Join LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, and other social networks.
Tactic #5: Get
Multigenerational. At this point in time, three generations coexist in the
workplace, and each has its strengths and weaknesses. Get clear on what your
generation brings to the table and what you need to learn from the other two.
·
If you
are nearing retirement, you have experience to offer. Pass on your trade
secrets, the knowledge and unique skills you have perfected over the years.
Stop judging the younger generations and teach them instead.
·
If you
are in mid-career, be a bridgebuilder. You raised the younger generation, and
you were raised by the older generation. You have great translation skills to
offer, so step up and adapt. Let the newest members of the workforce teach you,
in particular, when it comes to technology. In return, you can coach the
younger generation on behaviors and standards they need to maintain in order to
get where you are.
·
If you
are part of the new generation in the workplace, share your optimism and your
exuberance for finding new and better ways, but don't diss the old ways. They
worked until you came. Offer help, but don't be overbearing about it. Be
careful what you think you know for sure. Get adopted quickly by mentors who
will fill in the gaps in your knowledge about the history and complexity of
your organization.
If you want to raise your
number, you can't just show up and collect your paycheck — you have to produce
results today and well into the future. Development is no longer in the hands
of the organization or the leader. It's back in your hands, where it belongs.
It's time to own it for yourself through experience, exposure, networks,
curiosity, risk taking, evolving, pursuing, questioning — in short, being as
willing and open minded as you can.
Now you have determined your
Current Performance and Future Potential numbers. Emotional Expensiveness is
the third factor in the Value Equation. Paradoxically, it is the most important
in determining your value, because while Performance and Potential are what you
add to the bottom line, Emotional Expensiveness is what you take away.
Your Emotional Expensiveness
Everyone has had the experience
of working with someone who, while performing his or her job unimpeachably, exacts
a high cost for that performance.
But Emotional Expensiveness is
not the sole province of the tantruming ad exec, the self-righteous paralegal,
or the nightmare boss. We are all guilty of it on some level. You may be
Emotionally Expensive if:
·
You are
dramatic — drama requires a big investment, but the ROI is zero. In fact, it is
negative.
·
You
come to work in a bad mood. Ever.
·
You
share a lot of personal information with coworkers, and the boundary between
your public life and private life is very permeable.
·
You
complain a lot, or judge others.
·
You
assume the worst motivations for others' behavior.
·
You use
your boss's open door as a place to vent about your job or coworkers.
·
You
wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.
·
You and
your friends at work spend time complaining about the boss or gossiping about
coworkers.
Being Emotionally Expensive
saps your productivity as well as that of those around you. It is why you don't
love coming to work every day like you did when you first started your job.
Emotional Expensiveness is also what is draining and killing most organizations
— not poor leadership, outsourcing, corporate policies, or government
regulation.
Emotional Expense, like
Performance and Potential, is calculated on a five-point continuum, but in this
instance the higher the number, the worse the implications. On this continuum:
1 = Never
2 = Rarely (once or twice per
year)
3 = Sometimes (every couple of
months, or less)
4 = Often (monthly)
5 = Daily
As honestly as you can, rate
yourself on each of the following 10 statements:
1.
I share
my opinions regarding others' decisions and behaviors.
2.
I need
frequent encouragement to stick with a difficult task.
3.
I tend
not to be happy with my work until it has been praised by someone else.
4.
I meet
feedback with defensiveness or dismissiveness.
5.
I
believe I'm entitled to my opinions at work.
6.
The way
I'm feeling usually comes through loud and clear to my colleagues.
7.
I spend
as much time talking about my employer and colleagues as talking to them. I
have good days and bad days at work.
8.
I only
support what I've been consulted on.
9.
When I
get angry at work, I express it either directly or through passive-aggressive
behavior.
10.
I share
my personal and family problems at work.
Now, add your answers together
and divide by 10.
Think you have your final
result for the Value Equation? Not so fast. . . . Because Emotional
Expensiveness is, by definition, something that affects other people, you
aren't just reducing your own results; you are stealing time and energy from
everyone around you. The true cost of an emotional outburst, or a bitch session
in the cafeteria, or snapping at a coworker is higher than its cost to you. In
fact, its cost to you is just the beginning. That is why you must take your
Emotional Expensiveness rating and multiply it by 3.
Don't panic. Because Emotional
Expensiveness counts for so much in the New Value Equation, working to lower
this number is the single most effective thing you can do to improve your value
and your overall satisfaction with your work and life. To that end, we are
going to spend the rest of the summary teaching you to do just that.
Before we move on, plug in your
numbers for Current Performance, Future Potential, and Emotional Expensiveness,
then calculate your current value.
Your Value = Current Performance + Future
Potential – 3 × Emotional Expense
If you have a positive number,
congratulations. You are a high-value player. You can actually multiply value
with your number by diffusing the drama of others. You neutralize caustic
people and negate their costly behaviors. You are a role model for techniques
and behaviors that create top value. You call others to greatness by your calm,
nonreactive mode and by your example.
However, if you have come up
with a negative number for value, congratulate yourself for being honest. By
facing your reality, you will improve.
In the New Value Equation,
numbers go into negative digits really quickly because of the high cost of
Emotional Expensiveness. In the next five sections, we'll explore each of the
five rules that will make you not just Emotionally Inexpensive, but happier and
more successful.
Rule #1: Your Level of
Accountability Determines Your Level of Happiness
Many people feel that they are
working hard but are being undermined by others or by factors outside of their
control.
When you feel powerless,
complaining or blaming your circumstances, leaders, or coworkers brings
temporary relief, and it's a natural response to the frustration so many
employees feel. When you can't change other people or your reality, sometimes
it may seem like your only option is to make up excuses.
It isn't your circumstances
that are to blame. The root cause of everyone's dissatisfaction is lack of
Personal Accountability and lack of understanding of accountability's true
connection to both results and happiness.
Personal Accountability is the
belief that you are fully responsible for your own actions and their
consequences. It is a choice, a mind-set, an expression of integrity. While
some individuals possess a higher natural inclination toward Personal
Accountability, it can be learned.
Personal Accountability is
comprised of four factors:
1.
Commitment: The willingness to do whatever it takes to
get the results you desire.
2.
Resilience: The ability to stay the course in the face
of obstacles and setbacks.
3.
Ownership: Unwavering acceptance of the consequences
of your actions, with zero blame or argument, whether working individually or
collectively.
4.
Continuous learning: Using both success and failure consciously
as fuel for future success.
When you are committed, you
buy in readily to what is asked of you. What you say and do reflects your true
feelings. You are authentic in your interactions with others. There is no
sarcastic or resentful inner voice keeping up a running monologue in your head.
If you want to show commitment,
focus less on your job description and more on your larger role in the
organization. Your role is to do whatever it takes to get the desired results,
whether that's delighting a customer, fulfilling an order, selling a car, or
handling a complaint.
When you are resilient, you
feel calm, purposeful, and confident in your ability to produce results
regardless of your circumstances. You are tenacious, and you bounce back
quickly from setbacks. If you say you have "tried" to do something,
you tried a dozen or more options, you persisted and were creative.
Resilience is a learned skill,
not some lucky genetic condition. You learn resilience every time you face a
challenge, big or small, instead of backing down and blaming your
circumstances.
When you are feeling true ownership, you're
able to give the gift of your work unconditionally. You don't look to others to
validate your efforts or to give you the motivation to do your job. No one else
has the power — or responsibility — to motivate you.
If you want to work on
ownership, begin seeking out regular developmental and performance feedback to
help you understand, and internalize, how your choices are affecting your
results. All it takes is a single question: "What is one thing I could do
differently to improve my results?" Go work on what they told you.
Doing great work is not about
never making mistakes or failing. It's about making sure those mistakes have
the minimum impact on others, and that your failures contribute to your
commitment to continuous learning.
When you learn not only from
your successes but also your failures, it transforms failure from something you
must avoid into something you can use to get better results in the future. No
one ever has succeeded without some failures along the way, and holding back
out of fear of failure guarantees you nothing but a lifetime of caution and restraint.
So instead, reflect on the
choices that you made and their impact on your results. What are the three
things you could have done differently that would have had a positive impact on
your outcome? When you account for the competencies that you need to get better
results, you can develop them — and your ability to respond differently to
similar situations in the future.
Rule #2: Suffering Is Optional
If you find you are overwhelmed
or stressed most of the time, you can be sure you are arguing with reality — an
argument you will lose 100 percent of the time. The stress you are experiencing
is not due to what is happening to you. It comes from the stories you are
telling yourself about your situation.
Your circumstances are what
they are, but your reaction to them is up to you. In other words, your
suffering is optional.
Not only is your suffering
optional, it is a source of drama that wastes time, saps your energy, and
creates a toxic work environment for everyone. It is a waste of resources that
are already in short supply. When you know about this incredible source of
waste, how could you not work zealously to eliminate it from your day?
The most peaceful life is one
in which you are able to take things at face value, and yet few of us do.
Instead, we speculate. We move away from the facts of a situation and make up a
story.
We predict outcomes (usually
negative) and base our actions on feelings rather than data. Instead of problem
solving proactively, we suffer proactively.
Whenever you move away from the
facts of a situation and let your imagination get the better of you, you move
into defense mode, where your only options are fight or flight. When these
anxious thoughts enter your mind and are left unchecked and unquestioned, they
limit your choices. Your feelings, rather than evidence, begin to direct your
actions.
The stress and unhappiness we
feel is not the result of what happens to us. It is the result of the stories
we tell ourselves about those events — stories we are literally making up in
our heads, ascribing negative thoughts, motivations, and intentions to others
that we cannot possibly know to be true.
You can become a Reality-Based
thinker who deals in facts and evidence, not drama, by learning to recognize
and edit your stories. By asking five simple questions that are based less on
feeling and more on action, you can get out of story and back to reality.
Any time you begin to
experience stressful thoughts and feelings about an event or another person,
ask yourself:
1.
What
story am I telling myself right now?
2.
What do
I know for sure?
3.
How do
I act when I believe my story?
4.
Without
my story, what would I be doing to help?
5.
What is
the very next thing I can do to add value right now?
The point of this exercise is
to make sure you are responding to the facts of a situation versus your story
(all of the thoughts you've made up about it). When the story is gone, all that
remains is the final question, leading you directly to fearless action and tremendous
value.
Consider the case of a person
we'll call Cathy who was having problems with her boss. She believed that when
her boss felt ill-prepared, she began micromanaging, and it was driving her
crazy.
To find a constructive solution
to her problem, Cathy started with the first question: What story am I telling
myself right now?
"I'm telling myself that
my manager should be better prepared. She makes it appear like I am the one who
isn't prepared."
Next, to separate her reality
from her story about her boss, Cathy asked the second question: What do
I know for sure?
She considered each statement
and looked at the evidence.
The first statement was:
"My manager should be better prepared." Focusing only on facts, Cathy
realized that what she knew for sure was: "When we have meetings, she
often goes on the attack and asks me all kinds of detailed questions. It makes
me nervous. It embarrasses me in front of our colleagues when I don't know the
answer off the top of my head."
So, Cathy felt that her boss
was trying to cover her own lack of preparation by asking Cathy a bunch of
random questions. This was ascribing a motivation to her boss that Cathy could
not know for sure to be true. That part was Cathy's story. The reality so far
was: "She asks me questions in meetings and I am caught off guard and
don't know the answer."
Cathy's next statement was:
"She makes me appear unprepared." No one can "make" Cathy
feel this way. It is not in her boss's power, even if she wanted to, to
"make" Cathy look unprepared if Cathy is, in fact, prepared. This is
Cathy's fear talking, not her boss's power over her. Her fear was coming from
the story she was telling herself.
By this point, Cathy was
starting to see how it was actually her story about her boss that made her feel
incompetent and that she was not able to do her job well. The only reality she
could distill was: "She asks me questions in meetings and I am caught off
guard and don't know the answer. I fear looking unprepared."
Moving on to the third
question, How do I act when I believe my story?, Cathy
responded, "I get frustrated. I skipped our last meeting. I talk about her
behind her back. I don't listen to her. I don't keep her up-to-date and
informed, because I don't like meeting with her." At this point, Cathy
started to see how she was cocreating her manager's behavior with her own
behavior. As self-awareness dawned, the solution started to become clear.
Next, she asked the fourth
question: Without my story, what would I be doing to help?
"I would be more proactive
toward my boss. I would initiate meetings with her instead of skipping them. I
would keep her up-to-date and informed without her having to ask."
Finally, she asked the fifth
question: What is the very next thing I can do to add value right now?
Instead of arguing with
reality, Cathy had figured out a way to deal with it. She would be proactive
about filling her boss in before they went to meetings with their colleagues.
Then Cathy would have the opportunity to find out in advance what her boss's
questions might be and gather the necessary statistics before her boss put her
"on the spot." She would appear — and be — prepared.
When you separate the facts
from your story and respond only to the facts, it becomes surprisingly clear
what your next best action should be. You will be amazed how it simplifies your
life.
Rule #3: Buy-In Is Not Optional
One of the new realities in the
workplace is that our opinions actually add very little value. If you are using
your expertise to critique ideas, point out the pitfalls of every plan, and the
weaknesses of others, you are holding your company back. Top value comes from
being able to deliver despite these challenges, not from pointing them out.
In this section, you will learn
the five new realities you must understand in order to buy in willingly and
create value not through opinion, but through action.
Reality #1: Defense Is the
First Act of War. If
you find yourself at war often, your reactions are to blame. Even if someone
else starts a conflict, you have the power to diffuse or neutralize it. By
editorializing on decisions made over your head, you squander what influence
you have. You can always have an impact on your situation — as long as you
first accept it.
The value you add is
identifying potential problems and fixing them with the minimum drama possible.
Anticipate outside conditions that might interfere with your team's success —
and create strategies to overcome them.
Reality #2: The Most Valuable
People Say "Yes" the Most Often. Quickly accept plans and
ideas of others. The most powerful words in your vocabulary are
"Sure," "Yes," "Of course," and "I'm here to
help."
When you say "Yes" to
something, you improve your ability to influence any situation. When you fight
it and say "No," you have dropped out — you no longer have any say in
what happens. You aren't going where the future of your company is going.
Reality #3: Your Opinion Has
Been Replaced by Google. A huge issue in workplaces is that people
seem to believe that their opinion should count on most things, and they become
very upset when they are not asked. While input from highly accountable people
can and does have value, most people's opinions are not valuable because they
focus on why things can't be done, or why all action should stop until risks
can be averted, circumstances perfected, and success guaranteed.
Your organization does not need
that kind of input. It needs talent that can move forward and succeed in spite
of imperfect plans and circumstances. The value you add is not pointing out why
a plan won't work, but finding ways it can.
It’s not personal; it's just
that we have all been replaced by Google. There are so many sources of great
ideas — many of which are based on research, experience, and evidence — that
our opinions just aren't as valuable as they once were. Opinions are based on
personal preferences, not expertise and measured results of what has worked.
Reality #4: You No Longer Have
a Job. You Have a Role. Your job description isn't the beginning and end of
your responsibility. Consider how you fit into the larger goals of your
company. Who are you there to serve? How can you make sure that happens?
Your role is to do whatever it
takes to delight the customer and deliver quality. The sooner you get clear on
that, the happier and less conflicted and anxious you are going to feel.
Reality #5: Resistance Is Not
the Same as Feedback. Resistance often comes in the form of your opinion that
you disguise as "feedback" after the decision has been made but
before you have stepped up and applied your talent to the problem. What it says
about you is that you are unwilling or incapable.
If a decision has been made,
opinions are no longer welcome. Post-decision, highly valuable employees just
get willing and get to work.
Your job is to focus on how it
can be done rather than reasons why it can't, or shouldn't. This element of
working life never goes away. If anything, the higher on the ladder you climb,
the more important this piece of advice becomes.
Rule #4: Say "Yes" to
What's Next
Many people within
organizations consider change to be painful. In reality, our pain is not from the
changes in our lives, but from our resistance to those changes.
There are three stages most of
us pass through as we confront change:
1.
Resistance, rejecting change out of fear and a desire
to stay safe at all costs.
2.
Maintenance, just surviving, doing just what we have to
to support the change and no more.
3.
Vision, leaning into change, pushing for it, and making it
happen.
Most people tend to move
through all of these stages as they come to terms with change, but successful
people go straight to Stage 3, vision, and make it their default mode when
considering what's next.
You'll learn how to get there
by working on the four capabilities that visionaries share.
Visionary Capability #1: Be
Prepared. People
who have a high score for Future Potential, who are developing more quickly
than the demands of their workplaces or the market, are unfazed by change. Why?
Because they live in a state of readiness.
People who are ready step
easily into what's next. If you have not done what you needed to do to stay
current, then you are backed into a corner and your only option when responding
to change is resistance.
Visionary Capability #2:
Reframe. Reframing
is choosing to see your situation as a great opportunity rather than a
challenge or an assault, even when you aren't sure yet what the opportunity is
going to be.
One great way to reframe is to
question what virtue your situation will help you develop so that you can
improve. If fate gives you an annoying intern whose foibles have stopped being cute,
consider it your opportunity to work on patience.
Another reframing technique is
to see through people's behavior to their needs. A manager raging about a
dropped call is passionate about serving the customer. A coworker who is
nagging you about a project deadline is probably getting pressure from her
boss.
Visionary Capability #3: Give
Yourself Permission to Fail. Change means risk, and that's way too scary
for people who are so in thrall to their egos or their unrealistic expectations
that they don't see failure as an option.
But the truth is that we all
tend to overrate the risk of change and underrate the risk of maintaining the
status quo. The cost of doing nothing is often higher.
One way to move into vision
quickly is to analyze the risk of what you fear will happen. If the worst-case
scenario occurred, would it really have the impact you are imagining? Or is your
story about it what scares you more?
Visionary Capability #4: Move
On from Your Mistakes with Confidence. If you tend to beat yourself up for your
mistakes, or feel discouraged before you have even begun a task, you need to
work on confidence.
You may have ideas about
yourself that have nothing to do with who you are today and what you are
capable of doing, ideas that convince you that you are incapable of adapting to
something new. A limiting belief, if not examined and questioned, can solidify
into a barrier that blocks your ability to see opportunity in change.
The competency that allows you
to succeed in new circumstances comes after confidence, not before. Confidence
is what you build through thinking: changing your mind-set and inquiring on
untrue stories. Competence is what you then build by doing. So when you realize
something is not working, or you have made a mistake, do what you can to fix
it, leverage your learning, move on as quickly as you can, and do better next
time.
Rule #5: You Will Always Have
Extenuating Circumstances: Succeed Anyway
The Reality-Based Rules
probably make sense to you. Who doesn't want to raise their value, deliver
great results, and be happier at work?
Remember, your world is messy,
and this isn't going to be easy. That is when you start to question everything
because you are up against impossible deadlines, a terrible boss, coworkers who
don't care, and on and on.
But know this: Your reality is
not the reason why you can't succeed. It is the circumstances under which you
must succeed.
Let's look at some of the most
common excuses, and consider how you can, and should, overcome them.
Excuse #1: My Boss Is a Jerk. Bosses come in all the
varieties that humans do, and you will have good and bad bosses. What's good
about the bad ones is that you can get really competent at managing yourself.
So, ask what you can do to make things run smoother in the office. Figure out
the next thing you can do to add value.
If you believe that you can't
work well for a bad boss, you are limited to only being able to succeed with a
great boss, and those odds are not in your favor. If the problem is that the
boss plays favorites — and you're not currently one of them — get busy figuring
out how you can turn that around. Study what those favorites are doing, and
become one of them.
No one can change your
circumstances. The only way out is through changing your mindset. Instead of,
"My boss sucks," try, "My thinking about my boss sucks."
Excuse #2: My Co-workers Are
Difficult or Bullies or Rude or Indifferent. You are the only person
whose behavior you can change. When faced with a challenging situation, look
first to yourself. Take a quick inventory of the things you are doing that may
have exacerbated the situation and what you can do to ease it.
"How can I help?" is
the one question that will put you on the fast track to resolving conflicts
with others. Ask it often. Listen carefully to the answer you get and go do
that.
Avoid gossiping or going to
your supervisor to complain when you have not made an effort to be part of the
solution. It reflects poorly on you and it erodes the trust among colleagues.
Unless there is a clear-cut
case of bullying, or a real power differential, you are better off resolving
the situation directly than taking it to your boss or complaining to others. It
may not come naturally to you to confront, but if you do it calmly and in the
spirit of being part of the same team, you will be more likely to get a
positive response and have the favor returned.
Excuse #3: My Team Is Really
Dysfunctional. When
you are struggling while working in a group, keep in mind that most conflicts
do not come from personality clashes. They come from lack of clarity about
goals, roles, and procedures. If you have these three things clear, there is no
such thing as "personality conflict." You can work with anyone.
Before you start a new project,
while you're getting to know the other people you'll be working with, check in
with them about what your common goal is, who is doing what, who is the
decision maker and what roles the rest will play, and what the first steps will
be. You can't assume that other people know what your role is, or that you all
have the same goal in mind. This should effectively close the door on colluding
and complaining within the group.
Excuse #4: The Culture at My
Company Is Toxic. When
people talk about the "toxic culture" at their organizations, what
they are really talking about is their shared reasons, stories, and excuses for
their lack of results.
A company's culture may take
years to turn. But within the larger culture are microclimates — anywhere you
find 10 to 12 people working together — that are far easier to change.
It's like buying
air-conditioning for your house because changing the weather is not an option.
Your working environment is up to you and the others working in your immediate
vicinity. So get started changing that.
Call to Action
Throughout this summary, you
have gained insight into a revolutionary, more enlightened, and strategic way
of understanding your true value.
Raising your value with the New
Value Equation won't happen overnight. Applying the five Reality-Based Rules is
a process that will take place over months and years. You will mess up. You
will have mulligans and do-overs and return again and again to the Rules before
you internalize them as habits of mind and action to help you boost your value
and become happier at work. It's worth it, so don't give up.
Here's what to do: Figure out
the one thing that, if you get better at it, will improve your outcomes and
enable you to take more action. Get busy working on that.
Instead of wishing your
circumstances were different, start wishing you were different. Make yourself
over in the Reality-Based image and your life will change for the better
By making yourself accountable
and working to fortify your current performance, guarantee your future
potential, and decrease your Emotional Expensiveness, you will become a
high-value player who is on the fast track to success and happiness.
About The Author
Cy Wakeman is a speaker, blogger,
consultant, and human resources thought leader. A sought-after conference
headliner, she also delivers more than a hundred keynote programs annually. Cy
has honed her Reality-Based Leadership philosophy as a consultant to top
executives and organizations seeking to thrive in difficult times. Fore more
than two decades, she has consulted on talent development with major clients in
manufacturing, banking, government, high tech, and healthcare, including Bayer,
New York Presbyterian, National Institutes of Health, Hospira, Hallmark,
Federal Reserve Bank, Weil Cornell, Verizon Wireless, U.S. Cellular, TD
Ameritrade, ConAgra, Omnium Worldwide First National Merchant Solutions,
Wellmark, Wells Fargo, Cabela's, Farm Bureau, and Trinity Health Systems.
Ms. Wakeman has been featured
in the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, the New
York Post, and on SHRM.com. She is also an expert blogger on
FastCompany.com and Forbes.com. In 2010, Cy published Reality-Based
Leadership: Ditch the Drama, Restore Sanity to the Workplace, and Turn Excuses
into Results (Jossey-Bass).
For more information, please
visit www.realitybasedrules.com.
825 75th Street, Willowbrook, Illinois 60527
1-800-776-1910 • 1-630-734-0600 (fax) • www.audiotech.com
1-800-776-1910 • 1-630-734-0600 (fax) • www.audiotech.com
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